GOD IS BRAZILIAN
Attention, all passengers, take your seats!
Divine Grace is faster than anything!
Boy!
Welcome to the Celestial Information General Service.
If you are a Christian, press 1.
A Spiritist, press 2.
If you are a Muslim, press 3.
Christian. Thank you.
If you are a Roman Catholic, press 1.
If you are an Orthodox Catholic, press 2.
Now enter your baptism certificate number.
Baptism certificate.
I don't even know where it is.
Attention, your time is running out.
Welcome to the Celestial Information General Service...
Thank you very much, my friend!
It was so nice of you to save my place.
- Thank you! - Worthless bum!
What's going on here?
It's Baudele Vieira, St. Peter.
Baudele Vieira, the loan shark!
This vermin can't just go off to Paradise...
before paying his debts!
What is this heartless usurer doing here?
His place is in the depths of Hell...
along with all the bankers and thieves of his kind!
His death was just a shameless plot to not pay what he owes me.
Leave him with me just one more little day on Earth.
Then I'll ship him back to you.
I promise.
It's her!
Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our defender now and at the moment of our death, Amen!
- He's not playing fair! - Help me, my Celestial Mother!
Wake up you, you look like you've seen a ghost.
It was Our Lady.
Who?
Our Lady, Our Lord's Mother.
She just appeared to me.
Not even in a dream would the mother of God...
stoop as low as to let a scrounger like you see her.
I only know it's past noon and no one's appeared here yet.
Really?
Let go of your mother's corn bread!
Holy Mary.
It's Baudele Vieira, that creep is here!
Great! He knows his way here very well.
Tell him I'm away on a trip.
It won't help.
That was the excuse I gave him last week.
But I can use one from last month.
He's probably forgotten, like chicken pox, migraine...
death in the family, a tidal wave...
Not a tidal wave!
There are no tidal waves in Brazil.
If I could pay just the interest, he'd be happy.
Don't look at me!
You've got money socked away.
I give you room and board.
But it's only a loan.
You never pay me back.
This time I'll pay.
I will!
Now seriously, I will.
I'd rather die than not pay.
I give you my word of honor!
Your blessing, father.
What? Going to the church again?
Father Ambrosio sent for me.
What happened?
You could go a little bit faster, couldn't you?
Another minute, Mr. Baudele.
That reminds me. I'll have to charge you a little extra.
- Why? - It's lunch time.
Lunch time is sacred.
I'm only fixing your tire out of friendship.
Because it happens to be you.
I don't know the first thing about cars.
If I did...
That's Mercezinha. Mercezinha, my daughter.
She's really into this church thing.
I never saw anybody attend so many masses.
You sure Taoca isn't home?
Dead sure.
If you like you can step into the house and see for yourself.
Make yourself at home.
A man makes sacrifices all his life
so he can lend money with interest
in order to support his family.
And then along comes...
a sonofabitch like this who defaults.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to offend you...
nor your respectable wife.
It's your son.
Yes, but it's not my fault.
God made him my son; it's God's fault.
You believe in God, don't you?
Yes, sure. Don't you?
Yes, sure.
God is like the wheel, the steamboat, and the airplane.
He was invented by man, but that doesn't mean he doesn't exist.
There are fish over there.
Just look, there are fish there.
Really, fish, right over there.
Calm down, it's not the end of the world.
That's mullet. Mullets don't bite.
A second ago you weren't there.
You just got here?
How come you're not wet?
I didn't swim.
And where's your boat?
I didn't come on a boat either.
Pretty strange. Where's your helicopter, then?
And excuse me for asking. What might be your name?
My name is Edivaltercio.
Edivaltercio Barbosa da Anunciacao, pleased to meet you.
And you?
You wouldn't believe me.
And I dislike lying. I never lie.
Good, that's very good.
But on the other hand, I won't stay here...
talking to a guy whose name I don't know.
I am the One who is.
The One who has no name.
The unnamed One.
Cut that out, everyone has a name, even a beggar.
Excuse me now. Good-bye.
The thing is, I am God.
What is this?
Don't get nervous.
Nervous, me?
You think I'm the nervous type? Wimps get nervous.
I'm angry, that's what I am!
How long to get to the mainland?
Aren't you God? Why should you have to ask?
Are you stupid or have you been out in the sun too long?
I'm here but I'm not going to wave any flags.
No reason to show off. It's not my way.
You don't look like God to me, friend.
If I were the God of giraffes, I'd come as a giraffe.
You got a half-baked mind. That's the trouble with you.
I've had enough! Stop that! That's enough, all right.
I heard music. Where was it coming from?
From heaven. Well, what now?
Well, now what?
Would you take me to the Penedo fair?
With this puny motor we wouldn't get there before nightfall.
Only by a miracle.
I'm not making any miracles.
That's all you think about.
I can leave you in Piacabucu, at the mouth of the river.
What is a person of your consequence going to do there?
There's a fellow there I have to see.
And why don't you do a miracle...
and make this person just show up?
And why instead of helping...
do you just stand there talking nonsense?
You're absolutely right, sir.
But you do know that fairs are things of the past, don't you?
Only riffraff goes to open-air markets.
If you need to buy something...
you should go to a supermarket or even to a shopping center.
Things are no longer the way they were in your time.
It's not so simple to perform a miracle.
If you change something here you must change something there.
It never ends.
It's hell, if you'll pardon the expression.
I can imagine.
That's why I do very few miracles.
But the Bible says you made so many of them.
That was different.
Back then I had to assert myself.
And even so most of them weren't really miracles.
Most were natural events that I made coincide with my will
so I wouldn't have to adjust too many things.
The famine in Egypt, for instance.
That wasn't my doing.
I only helped Joseph predict its coming.
And the sea parting for Moses?
A comet passed near Earth and displaced the waters.
- And Lazarus? - Catalepsy.
Besides, I want people to like me as I am.
I won't do miracles just to please someone.
Sure, right you are.
I'd rather listen to music.
You can change the station.
How do you do it?
Come again?
Change the station?
From here you can get a bus...
or even walk because Penedo is not far.
No need to rush.
At this hour there's no one at the fair.
It opens again tomorrow morning.
In the old days he used to walk on water.
Bye now, may God be with you.
I mean, God bless you...
Whatever!
That's a pitanga tree.
I know.
Good fruit. You can't find any now because...
You only get pitangas in the winter, in July or August.
I see you know a thing or two about agriculture, huh?
Do you know someone called Quinca at the Penedo fair?
No, no. I don't really know the people at the fair.
I don't travel in those circles.
Quinca of the Mules, whose father was a mule driver.
Mule driver? I've got to go now.
Or I'll miss dinner back home.
I hope it all works out for you.
Been a pleasure.
I've had a wonderful time.
What's so funny?
I'm just thinking about...
how you're going to pay Baudele Vieira.
How do you know...
All right, you're laughing because you're not involved.
If you were...
Anyway, what's a little money...
to a person who created the whole, wide world?
Wait! I'm going with you!
How silly of me!
How could I ever get back to the island...
in time for dinner?
Especially since it's pitch black.
I could even drown.
Those clothes of yours are ridiculous.
And the earring, too.
No earring, it's pierced.
So I said to myself...
Edivaltercio, don't be a jackass.
Get some sense into your head.
How can you leave God alone in his time of need?
Imagine how ungrateful that would be!
A dirge. Aren't you hungry?
Hungry?
Where there's a deceased person there's always free food.
Can you wait just a minute?
Shrimp patties!
I'm crazy about them!
There are cheese patties, too.
Poor fellow. So young.
Cezinha, my nephew.
He drank bean broth with turpentine.
He killed himself? No!
Were you gentlemen friends of my son?
Cezinha's? What a question!
We've been friends since we were little kids.
You don't remember me because I went south.
To Sao Paulo...
in order to finish my Biology studies...
with our professor here. Him.
Sao Paulo...
Right, the Professor is only passing by, aren't you, sir?
Actually he's going to Penedo to do some research at the fair.
But I didn't want him to go back to Sao Paulo...
without meeting Cezinha.
I talk so much about him. But now, this!
Unbelievable.
Just yesterday we were talking about him...
weren't we, Professor?
I'm a truck driver.
One day I came back home early...
and found my wife in bed with another man.
My little kids were outside crying on the street.
She made our life miserable and then she left.
She turned into a slut, a cheap streetwalker in Sao Paulo.
Have you met her?
In Sao Paulo?
No, never. We don't go to whorehouses.
I mean, to that kind of place.
Cezinha never forgot what his mother did to us.
Hi! How's everything?
Keep away from the bean broth.
He's lying.
Who?
My father.
My mother left because my father was an animal.
He even beat her.
Everyone says she was beautiful and had a heart of gold.
Cezinha was crazy about her.
I'm going to Sao Paulo with you.
May I ask who invited you?
"He forsook his life because he did not know how to be happy!"
That's another obsession of you people...
being happy all the time.
Pardon me?
What he meant was...
"Who amongst you may live without wishing to be happy?"
Isn't that right? That's right.
I found my son with a pen in his hand...
and the notebook opened to this page.
I didn't know he wrote verse.
Poetry!
"Though my breast is full of love...
"my will to live is not sappy.
"They'll say about my suffering:
"He forsook his life because he did not know how to be happy!"
Why, isn't that beautiful!
Fifth-class literature.
Pardon me?
I'm very sorry, but your son died in vain.
Those verses are hogwash.
What he meant was that those verses are...
They're beautiful.
Something to that effect.
This is my mother.
Beautiful, isn't she?
She sent this to me from Sao Paulo just before she died.
It's the dress she wore when she married my father.
Take me to Sao Paulo with you.
Will you take me?
You... you.
You could be less ungentlemanly toward the deceased's father.
Holy Mary!
I'm going to Penedo with you, then you take me to Sao Paulo.
Put your clothes back on, girl.
Get dressed.
What a brazen woman she is!
Get dressed!
The Professor isn't here for any monkey business.
My name is Mada, that's what everybody calls me.
What's yours?
Do I have to fill out a form to move around here?
Saviour!
His name is Emmanuel Saviour.
You're wasting your time, girl. I'm not going to Sao Paulo.
That's right, he's not going to Sao Paulo right now.
Maybe later.
Will you stop lying?
My name is Edivaltercio.
Comes from Edite, on my mother's side...
and Arivaltercio, on my father's side.
Edivaltercio Barbosa da Anunciacao, pleased to meet you.
There it is, the house of the Lord.
Or rather, God's house, right?
Your house.
Tell them who you are and ask to come in.
I guarantee they'll let you stay all night
as comfortable as can be.
Then tomorrow morning we can get a ride to Penedo.
Hey, what's that, farting like that in front of...
of my friend here?
Sorry.
There are a few things that could stand some improvement.
You write everything down so you won't forget later, right?
There are a couple more things that could use some improvement.
I didn't ask for your opinion.
Is farting the only thing you're going to fix?
I created you people so enthusiastically!
But something turned out wrong, all wrong.
You screw everything up.
It's just wars, hunger and poverty...
intolerance and exploitation...
You're right, it must really be discouraging.
Now, if you cared to...
It's not my fault!
I made the world, and free will.
I left your fate in your own hands.
You have total freedom. Take it from there.
And now? I get blamed for everything!
There is nothing else I can do.
So it's every man for himself, right?
I think I've already gone too far for the size of my pecker.
Size of what?
Pecker. Prick. Dick.
Penis...
That's a cow.
I know, I invented it myself.
But we gave it a name. C-o-w.
Cow.
There couldn't be a better name; it suits her fine.
I wonder if Your Excellency could confide...
why both of us are here looking for...
this Quinca of the Mules.
Where are you going?
What's the rush? Are the police after you?
A human being is not a refrigerator which you return...
if it doesn't work properly.
So I decided to stop worrying and take a vacation.
You all give me so much aggravation...
I really need a rest.
Fair enough!
I just want to wander through galaxies, like the old days.
Strolling in the stars with nothing to do...
lying on my back...
just watching those wonderful nuclear explosions...
of neutron supernovas.
Would you care for a patty?
The deceased's aunt gave me some.
I felt sorry for the deceased's father, you know?
Being a truck driver is rough work, don't you agree?
A fellow slaves away on the road, proud of himself.
And then one day he gets home and finds this man in his bed.
It really must be tough, I tell you.
My problem is I must find a saint to take my place.
A saint to mind the store while I enjoy my vacation.
Find a saint here in Brazil?
So? Brazil is one of the most religious countries...
in the world.
And it has never had a saint officially recognized.
Is Your Holiness considering this Quinca to be a saint?
I'm not considering. I've already made up my mind.
And the Pope is His Holiness, I'm God.
Try not to be so ignorant.
Quinca hasn't been around here for a long time now.
After his father died, he rounded up the mules...
sold them, gave all the money to the poor, and then he left.
Let me tell you, it was really an awesome binge.
They spent all the money on booze.
Since Quinca is gone, you might as well consider my name!
Consider your name for what?
I don't want to sound impertinent...
and I don't want you to think I'm too pushy...
but I'd like you to know I'm at your service.
At your service to replace Quinca of the Mules.
You mean you want the saint's job?
I know I'm not the one you're looking for, but...
God writes straight with crooked lines!
I never wrote anything with crooked lines in my whole life.
You people just don't know how to read.
I may not be perfect, but I'm not the worst man in the world.
If I became a saint my first miracle...
would be to find money...
to renovate the island's main church.
A lot of money!
I know I don't have all the necessary learning...
for the job, but I'd get some training.
You would show me the way and I...
Do you want me to tell you why you can't be a saint, Taoca?
You could always find a way.
If you want we can start from the time you were a little boy.
So long ago?
Listen, when you were 7, you and your cousin Deraldo...
All right, all right!
Holy Mary...
7?
Don't tell me we're going to have another strip-tease!
What are you doing here in Penedo?
Oh, it's Miss H.
Did you come to the fair just to watch television?
It's Miss H on television.
People here like her more than anything in the world.
More than anything in the world?
Except God, of course.
Because then you've got to be clear.
It's like in the 10 Commandments.
To love God above all.
That's all he thinks about.
And he's right!
- That's him! - Who?
Quinca of the Mules.
What're you doing?
I want to hear.
Then adjust the volume.
So, did you enjoy it? The little darlings!
That was the story of my visit...
to the Home of God Orphanage in the slums.
Make your contribution.
They give whatever Miss H asks for.
Damned stupid people, aren't they?
Where is this slum?
In Recife.
I have to go there to see Quinca of the Mules.
You have the money for the bus ticket?
But you're going to make some money appear, right?
You're joking. Me, produce money?
You mean you think I'm a forger? Is that what you think of me?
A forger?
Me, call you a forger? No one mentioned forged money.
Real legitimate money...
bills with the President's signature and all that.
No way we can walk all the way to Recife.
BUS TICKETS
Let me tell you about this little radio.
I bought it for 40, but you can have it for 34.
I need the money.
Take a look.
Here you are.
Did you trade your radio for them?
I couldn't let Your Holiness walk there...
and run the risk of meeting a murderous robber along the way.
Oh, hell... Sorry.
There are no more buses to Recife now.
Only after lunch. We're going to have to hang around a while.
There is a personal reflection of mine...
which I want to share with you.
As long as you already are busy fixing things...
I find with all due respect, a certain mistake on your part.
The position of the sexual organs is, in my opinion, wrong.
I think the urination place and the defecation place...
shouldn't be in the sexual place.
So close to the sexual place.
Do you get what I'm trying to say?
The pipe a man pisses with...
shouldn't be the same pipe he uses to make babies...
so to speak.
If a plumber did a job like that in my house...
I'd fire him on the spot and wouldn't pay him anything.
I think hygiene demands us to be a bit wary, a bit watchful.
One thing is a sewer, and the other...
It's her!
It is her! Can't you see?
The girl! Over there!
Where have you two been hiding?
Professor, let's hit the road to Recife.
Whose truck is this?
I don't know.
What do you mean, you don't know?
I stole it. Let's go.
WELCOME TO PERNAMBUCO
What's your name?
Juliana.
How old are you?
8.
Quinca has been around helping us...
teach the children how to read.
But he heard that the Government was organizing a cooperative...
to build a dam in the dry backlands, so he left for there.
Where?
The Baticum Valley is in the middle of nowhere.
We'll take a bus.
With what money?
What about my saint and my vacation in the stars?
The Baticum Valley...
Couldn't you find a saint right here or nearby?
Saints are few and far between.
When I find one I raise my hands to Heaven.
But that's my point.
Now, if you felt like it...
we'd fly over to the Baticum like birds.
You just have to wish it.
Everything ends up on my back, it never fails.
Everyone wants everything easy and for free.
It's always, "God give me health...
"God find me a husband...
"God let me win the lottery...
"God this, God that. Only God knows."
No one can take that! Everything is on me, me, me!
I get stressed!
Didn't I tell you to return the truck and go home?
Yes.
But the tank is almost empty.
It won't make it back.
Excuse us, friend, let's go. Move along.
Begging here is tough, huh, Professor?
They're not begging. They're selling their children...
for less than the orphanage gets.
Sorry.
God sticks to this nonsense of refusing to work miracles.
This miracle thing, it's all made up.
I never met anyone in my life who saw a miracle.
Was I talking to you?
In a situation like this, he could get us some money...
so we could give our poor stomachs something to do.
All you think about is eating.
People die from lack of food. Not from lack of a saint.
Hold out your hands and they'll be full of money.
Is the Professor a magician?
No. I mean, not a real magician the kind we're used to seeing.
No, not like that.
A magic trick is not a miracle.
I am going to put it here and then pass the cards...
Yes! A magic trick is not a miracle!
That's kind of an old one, isn't it?
Come on, boy!
Come and see the magic of... Mandrake!
Yes! Sursum corda!
And here you have, ladies and gentlemen,
a whole coconut tree
that Mandrake conjures out of nothing.
Exactly like in Genesis, on the Day of Creation!
Now only Adam and Eve are missing, right?
Are you crazy?
Throw it!
Throw it here.
How much do we already have?
Hold it a second, not yet!
How much?
I can't accept this!
It was going to rain money, it was going to be a gold mine.
A couple more weeks working there, we could even retire.
I'm still too young to retire.
The professor could make a fortune doing magic.
That's what I keep saying.
This man is so pigheaded you lose all patience with him.
How do you do all those things?
It can only be hypnotism.
Because it really seemed I was dreaming.
Everything a human can imagine can exist, Mada.
It's only a matter of training.
Will you pass me the salt, please?
May I order a beer?
A beer?
Drinking and driving? Risking the Professor's life?
The gas tank is full now.
At Baticum Valley, Mada will return the truck
and go back home.
Do we still have money for the bus tickets?
How many tickets?
Two or 3?
You must have been a little lonely, weren't you?
When?
When you invented the world.
Your Excellency made this world all by yourself...
without anyone to give you advice or to keep you company.
I never needed company.
Your Highness never had a father...
never had a mother or a relative or neighbor or anyone.
You're always alone...
roving among the stars, watching them pop up...
without even a pal for idle conversation.
Or a woman all your own to cuddle up to, a little love...
I love what I myself created. I love humanity, for example.
In spite of everything!
I know you have lots of experience.
You've lived through a lot.
But it's impossible to take care of everything alone.
I need to find this saint and go on my vacation.
I agree I don't have what it takes to be a saint...
I've got too many flaws, we've been through that.
But there's my sister Mercezinha back on the island.
She's a fine girl...
an example of kindness charity, religiousness.
Mercezinha practically lives in the church... ask Father Ambrosio.
Father Ambrosio!
Mercezinha is one of the few remaining virgins in Brazil.
Maybe in the whole world!
Ask Father Ambrosio.
Father Ambrosio?
I mean no offense at all...
but I won't change my 23 years, 5 months and 18 days of age...
for your quadrillion centuries...
drifting about with no one around.
Not a chance.
Poor fellow, always so alone!
You vermin! Pay me what you owe me!
Help me, Our Lady!
Help me, Our Lady, give me your protection!
Help me, my Celestial Mother!
The Professor's disappeared.
The passengers are all outside, the bus has broken down.
How long to fix it?
Only God knows.
- Where is he? - God?
No, the Professor. Where is he?
I have no idea.
When I woke up he had already disappeared.
I asked everyone, and nobody knows.
Where can he possibly be hiding?
The Southern Cross must be up there.
What I really would like to see is a flying saucer.
The music!
I think it's coming from over there.
Have they fixed that old can?
It'll take more than a century to fix that rattrap.
Can't you give them a hand?
I'm not a mechanic and I have no patience
for instruction manuals.
What is this fire on the cashew tree?
A bolt of lightning struck it.
But I didn't notice any rain.
So what? I mean...
the backlands are a strange place.
The bus is that way!
I'm going to the Baticum Valley.
- On foot? - You're crazy!
What did the Indians do before the wheel was invented?
This guy is really getting to be a pain in the ass...
I'll tell you.
I've got to go out in the bushes!
I have to pee!
Professor!
Women are such a pain in the neck!
A man wouldn't even need to stop.
He'd just keep walking, and...
Oh, mother...
I'm so alone!
So alone!
Mada! How about it, aren't you ever going to finish?
What is it?
It was God, it was God
There's no reason for dismay
And even if I have the gift of prophecy...
and know all the mysteries...
and all the science in the world...
and gather so much faith I can move mountains...
even so if I don't have love, I am nothing.
It was out of love for us that God created the world...
and set us here on Earth to live in Paradise.
God is good, fair, and charitable...
merciful, truthful, loving...
generous, beautiful, brilliant...
fantastic, wonderful, eternal and...
Perfect!
Perfect! Most perfect.
And life only makes sense...
if we love Him above all else, because He deserves it.
Bravo!
Taoca, give this good man a coin.
You have all our money.
Thank you, my son, thank you very much.
You folks passing by?
We were walking down the road...
but this friend of mine got tired.
He's getting old.
Excuse my asking, but where are you heading?
If you can tell me.
To the Baticum Valley.
- You know it? - You're there.
Where is the dam they are building around here?
It's been built already.
And the place sure needed it.
The drought was so bad our donkey ate the Brazilian flag.
It was the only green thing around.
When they finished the dam...
the landowner kicked everyone out.
The big boss was the only one who could use the dam.
And the cooperative?
They were all forced out.
Everybody left; they're not stupid.
Come closer, help yourselves to some good cashew wine.
This is Quele, my brother. And I am Tuinho.
But our real names are Antonio Clemente...
and Clemente Antonio.
The folks who built the dam left and...
I know.
But don't you worry, because everything ends well.
When it's not well, it's because it's not the end yet.
Yes, this week it's going to rain.
How do you know?
The "Perpetual Moon Almanac."
"Perpetual Moon"...
It's an almanac we have here.
You've got to see it, it's never wrong.
Did you know that God created the world in September?
That's right, it's in the almanac.
Same month as the Brazilian Independence.
Did you know that the Andromeda galaxy...
is fast approaching the Milky Way?
They're going to collide...
and in the explosion there goes Earth, the Sun...
the Moon, the planets, everything.
Will you excuse me?
But that's only going to happen many million years from now.
Tuinho thinks Luzinete should dance with our guest.
That's right. What is your name?
Saviour. His name is Emmanuel Saviour.
As for myself, I'm...
No one. Professor, dance with the bride.
You don't want to offend her, do you?
Go ahead, Luzinete, dance with him.
Go ahead, Luzinete.
- Go ahead, woman. - No! What's going on?
Dance with him, Luzinete!
Mada.
That's enough.
I never saw anyone dance forro holding on so tight.
It wasn't forro, you idiot.
It was a Viennese waltz.
You're so lucky. You have no needs.
You can relax, knowing you're not going to die.
Not me! At night I'm afraid of the dark...
and each day that dawns can be the day of my death.
If you wanted, I could live forever like the angels.
Death was my best invention.
It was all becoming too much the same when I got that idea.
Without death the world would be too boring.
Cashew wine?
I'd rather eat.
We'll buy some food on the way.
No! I don't believe it!
I gave it all away.
You gave all our money to that preacher at the wedding?
Let me have that back.
The money was mine, too!
I helped earn it with the sweat of my brow.
Now this, this is all I needed, getting fleeced by God!
I AM LIKE THE DEVIL LIKES IT.
I'm a piece of shit.
You can say I'm a piece of shit, I know I am. Say it!
You're a piece of shit.
You didn't have to say that.
You told me to tell you you're a piece of shit.
So I did.
But said with such conviction, it hurts a man's feelings.
Taoca, where's the Professor?
You've got to stop thinking about that old bachelor.
I can guarantee you don't have the slightest chance with him.
No problem. God will help me.
Like God gives a shit...
About us, that is.
It's Quinca of the Mules!
This is about a war on an Indian reservation.
That's Quinca of the Mules, I'm positive.
What's so important about this Quinca?
Nothing, it's just a job the Professor is trying to get him.
Isn't that so, Professor?
Where is this... Jalapao?
In Tocantins.
"Armadillos are fine, but it makes my back hurt
"because their backside is so low.
"That's why I prefer a nanny goat."
Jalapao is in Tocantins, near where I'm going.
If you want a ride...
I see you enjoy the view a lot, don't you?
It's really very pretty.
So much is ugly...
that you get a shock when you see something pretty.
It lights up your thoughts.
If it weren't for ugly things, there'd be no pretty things.
Ever hear of Palmas? It's right over there.
Tomorrow morning I'll collect the insurance money.
From here it's easy to get a ride to Jalapao.
Trucks going that way pass by all the time.
Been a pleasure.
Oswaldo Zenildo.
If you need me just look me up.
That's not his real name.
I saw a different one on the car's registration.
Taoca, have you ever taken a plane ride?
No, never.
Now, an authority of your stature...
should not be hitchhiking.
You should really go by plane.
Or at least by taxi.
Would you tell me how you intend to find Quinca here?
It's none of your business.
Are you really sure Quinca is the only possible...
candidate for the job you're thinking about?
In nomine Patri et Filii et Spiritus Sancti.
Your Mommy...
Our Celestial Mother, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Amen.
Excuse me for intruding...
but this Quinca you're looking for...
is he the same Quinca who lives here in Jalapao?
You know him, kid?
I'll show you the way to his house under one condition.
You help my mother with her household expenses.
Trouble is, money's tight here, kid.
Messiah. Messiah Duarte of the Angels.
It's to buy food for my mother and my 5 little brothers.
No, not 5. 7.
You were never in need in your whole life.
I understand that you don't care about eating regularly.
But could you be so kind as to tell me...
how we're going to pay for the information provided by Moses?
Messiah.
No problem, they're both from the same Book.
There's another question I think deserves special attention.
The question of this girl, Mada.
This girl has been with us for a very long time now.
We know the kind of man her father is.
And the police are after us...
all of Brazil, her father and the police after us.
How long can this go on?
I think it wouldn't cost anything...
It's Miss H! It's Miss H from television!
Let's help, everyone!
A small donation for the love of God!
They like me, Taoca, more than anything in the world.
Sir... Madam, you forgot to change your voice.
And a donation is not a miracle either, is it?
Come on, drop your donation in this little box, come on!
Carefully! Drop your donation, for the love of God.
It's Our Lady of Perpetual Help.
Good thing the Professor stopped by his cash machine.
While those chumps were drooling over Miss H...
he went there, smart as ever, and got a little money for us.
Miss H is always asking for money and food for the poor.
They say Communism is trying to make a comeback.
One for us, one for you, one for us.
One for us, one for you, one for us...
Those blue eyes.
I wonder how they came up with...
that blond, blue-eyed face of an American.
Couldn't be otherwise.
In those days there were no cameras.
People kept describing how he looked and he got this face.
I talk to him now and then.
To Jesus?
It was all so wrong.
The father should sacrifice himself for the son.
It's a guest here in my boarding house.
He's got cancer.
The doctors have given up on him.
When he remembers he's going to die, he rebels against it...
breaks everything in sight and moans.
Boy, how he moans. It'll all be over soon.
Go to bed, Mr. Gislenio. Sleep.
He just can't accept it.
Do you want to try it?
I know nothing about those contraptions.
This is a site to talk to the dead.
I've spoken to Catherine the Great...
President Vargas, Princess Diana.
Do you have a dead loved one you might wish to talk to?
I do.
I'd like to talk to my mother.
Do you remember her?
I don't, really.
I was too little when she left for Sao Paulo.
Have you something that belonged to her?
She gave this to me.
Then it's not hers, it's yours.
What did she die of?
AIDS, it seems.
What was her name?
Her real name or the professional one?
Makes no difference.
Put down Sheila Madalena, like me.
Mommy...
Hey, the money!
Take it. Go away.
Go home, and take care of your life.
But you're going to give everything away again?
Go live your life.
You're my life now.
I'm going wherever you're going.
I won't be a bother. Please.
I could be your father.
Your grandfather.
Your great great-grandfather.
Go now. And let's step on it. I'm in a hurry.
Do you think I've got nothing else to do in my life?
It's clear you never loved anyone in your life, Professor.
You have no heart.
I invented the heart.
Here they are, Mr. Quinca.
But this is not Quinca of the Mules!
Please don't mind this mess!
I've been without a maid for some time, you see?
They don't want to work in private homes anymore.
They charge a fortune. It's so expensive!
Where are you from?
This land here is very hospitable.
A land of good people, simple people...
but with good hearts, I'm certain.
Well, I did my part.
Now please excuse me, I have to leave.
I'm taking the present you gave me to my poor mother.
And to my 8 little brothers.
7.
Well, then!
What is the job you have for me?
Who is the victim?
Victim?
You can trust me.
Because I 100% guarantee that the victim...
is going to eat grass by the root, push up daisies...
and give up the ghost to his Maker.
Just give me a picture of him.
I've never failed, thank God.
I'm sorry but there seems to be a misunderstanding.
We're looking for Quinca of the Mules and not...
Quinca Batalha, at your service.
You mean you don't have a job for me?
We don't.
I'm not the kind of man who takes a gun...
and goes out robbing people.
No, I'm never going to do that.
I'm not going to steal.
I'm not going to sully my good name at this point in life.
No one calls me anymore!
Right now there's a war on the Indian reservation.
I could be there helping.
A war on the reservation!
Yes.
The Government settled the Indians there...
but the ranchers want the land to make cattle pastures.
It's progress, there's nothing one can do.
Man, aren't you lucky!
To run across someone who knew where to find the Indians!
Very, very lucky!
People underestimate it, but being God must be really tough.
It's hard work, that's what it is, studying to be a magician...
practicing Viennese waltzes...
learning how to impersonate TV stars...
memorizing country music songs...
and other things...
like having to hire some jerk to be a saint...
and not giving a damn about the rest of the world.
Really, you know,
I never thought I'd feel sorry for God.
But I do.
You didn't get wet in the rain?
It's him, Taoca! No doubt about it!
Quinca of the Mules?
What do you want from me?
I need to talk to you.
About what?
I have a proposition for you.
What proposition?
It's a rather delicate matter...
which I prefer to discuss privately.
No rush, just you and me.
Did the ranch... the ranchers.
How did this dummy give lessons stuttering that way?
I'll bet the kids are illiterate!
- Did the ranch... - Stop that stutter!
Did the ranchers send you here?
The ranchers were the ones who sent you here!
Didn't they?
The ranchers were the ones who sent you here!
I never spoke like that. It's some sort of a miracle!
But it isn't a miracle, is it, Professor?
Of course you know...
that stuttering comes from nervousness.
And yours went away with your frigshock...
at the Professor's shout.
Unconstitutional!
Antidisestablishmentarianism!
An unconstitutional antidisestablishmentarianism!
I first heard about these Indians...
when some boys set fire to one of them...
who was sleeping under an overpass in Brasilia.
The tribe didn't do anything.
They just kept chanting for the one who died.
All they did was whine, whine, just whine.
This one has meningitis.
We don't have a medicine for it.
Now he's a doctor?
No one needs a college diploma to care for others.
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
If you had, I bet you wouldn't forget.
I want to have a talk with you, just the two of us.
I can have a great influence...
on the outcome of this conversation.
You know how it is, the man here is my dear friend.
We're practically brothers.
A thrush.
Yes!
A blue-crowned trogon!
Blue macaw!
Jacamar! Yes, jacamar!
Nunbird!
Tinamou, tinamou!
How can you do all those birdcalls so well?
I was the one who made the birds.
And all the rest, too.
I'm the one who made it all.
It was such a simple idea!
Basically what I did was to mix hydrogen 75%, helium 24%...
and in the remaining 1%...
I put in carbon, nitrogen, oxygen etcetera...
for a total of 92 elements.
The rest was fine-tuning.
An idea of beauty more beautiful than the speech of the angels.
Then I gave the world to you...
and never had another day's peace.
You only know how to fight one another...
and destroy what I made.
That means, if I heard you right, you're God.
And I want you to become a saint.
Come again?
I got tired of all the mess, and decided to take a vacation.
So I need a fresh saint to look after things while I'm away.
And I am the saint.
Exactly.
It was only because you struck me as a good man
that I'm putting up with this crazy talk.
Otherwise I'd tell you to go...
back to the madhouse you escaped from.
I've got more important things to do.
- This is getting nowhere. - Why is it getting nowhere?
First, because I'm not a saint.
Aren't you?
Touch him.
What for?
Lay your hand and see if he doesn't get well right away.
You're nuts!
Saints can't get meningitis.
Touch him.
Touch him!
Don't push me!
And find yourself another lunacy...
because God is out of style.
Out of my way!
It's not me who's out of style, it's the style.
You could have saved his life.
- I'm not God. - But I am.
I made everything that exists.
There could be fewer waterfalls and more food for everyone.
When you become a saint, see to it.
I don't want to become a saint.
Being a saint is great. It's a cinch!
There'll be a few sacrifices, but it's very rewarding.
I'll bet you'll ask for 20%, like your friend just did.
Being a saint's important. Some very good people.
Taoca tried to charge you a commission?
You know what? Stop badgering me.
There's no way I can be a saint!
- Why? - I don't believe in God.
I never did and never will. I'm an atheist.
That is a problem.
But I'm here to solve it in person.
Prove to me you're God.
I can't go around performing miracles.
Then go away and don't bother me; I'm an atheist.
In a situation of serious crisis...
in a case of maximum alert...
I think I can make an exception and put on a great show.
Like when I had manna raining on the wilderness...
or sent out the chariot of fire for Elijah.
I invented day and night the way they are.
But when Joshua invaded Canaan and needed my help...
I stopped the Sun and the Moon.
I stretched days and nights so he could win the war.
I can stretch, so I can also shorten.
Day and night will last as long as it strikes my fancy.
Time takes the time I want it to take.
And we get old together, just as quick as the day passes?
Enough!
Are you convinced? Do you understand?
Have I explained, imparted, revealed?
Are we now in agreement, you ass?
Tricks! Those were all tricks! You hypnotized me!
That was hypnotism! It was a put-on!
I'm God! I do not deal in put-ons!
Find someone else for the job of saint...
I don't want it.
That doesn't matter.
You'll be a saint, you horse's ass!
I'm an atheist!
I'll be back one day. You'll see, you jerk...
But you're not going to convince me!
- You mule. - You con man.
I'll wait, you wretch.
It doesn't matter! I'm an atheist!
What's going on?
I'm easy to live with...
but I can't stand people disagreeing with me.
I... am an... an Atheist!
You scare me sometimes, sir.
Don't be silly.
You haven't got enough imagination for that.
Professor, don't bother about that freak...
who would make a very bad saint.
Why does a person want to be a mule driver, a schoolteacher...
a dam builder and a doctor, all in one life?
And now, where are we going?
I must go back to the place we met...
or I'll have to rearrange everything...
and I don't want anymore trouble.
You're leaving? Just like that?
Is it all over?
Yes.
So that's it.
A man here gives his all to cooperate with him...
and then he just goes off to his rest in the stars.
And me, what happens to me?
You'll hang around as usual, owing God and the world.
I don't owe you anything.
Now... let's drop by the boardinghouse.
See if everything's all right.
Come on, say you miss Mada.
Me? Not me!
She's most likely gone by now.
Probably with the first guy that turned up.
Jealous.
And what does Your Highness know?
You never even had a girlfriend.
Why do you people only see the value of something...
after losing it?
Taoca!
Stella?
What are you doing here, woman, so far from the island?
Baudele is taking us up north.
Who?
Me.
They're building a power plant in the wilderness.
And all those workers with nothing to do on their days off.
The demand for pussy seems to be huge.
We won't leave them at the mercy of their own hands.
That's unpatriotic, isn't it, girls?
Yes!
Mr. Baudele Vieira!
Boy, what a coincidence. I can't believe it!
What a heck of a coincidence. I was here looking for you.
Here. It's not much. But it comes from the heart.
This doesn't even cover the interest.
If it's not too much trouble for you, we could try...
Professor!
They're heading north.
They are going to be working girls there.
And what's wrong with that?
Are you going to let her go?
And what are you to her?
Nothing.
Forgive me for saying so, but you're really irresponsible.
I didn't force anyone to come with me.
They're coming because they want to.
I agreed on a price with each and every one of them...
gave them new clothes and an advance in cold hard cash...
which I earned by the sweat of my brow.
For this one, I also paid a fee...
to the boy who brought her to me.
Moses.
Messiah.
Mada, give back the money Mr. Baudele advanced you.
And you come with me.
Me?
I'm going to find a way to get my money back.
Some workers might enjoy a male ass...
especially a limp-wrist like you.
Our Lord God told humankind to go forth and multiply.
But people went too far...
and we're going to solve overpopulation on Earth.
We queers are going to save this planet, darling.
That tire's a bit flat, isn't it?
- Which one? - On the other side.
- What do you mean, flat? - I don't know!
But Taoca ought to know, he fixes tires.
Yes! Completely flat...
It doesn't look like it.
Tires are my business, I know.
This is very, very dangerous.
On a road like this it could blow out.
But don't you worry.
I'll get the jack and I'll get this done in a second, you hear?
Are you coming with us?
I think so.
Don't give it a thought, it's on the house.
Courtesy of the house!
We left the girls and Baudele Vieira's bus on the road...
and then we dropped Mada at the bus station.
Mada is leaving for Sao Paulo.
Oh, poor little you!
I think she's never coming back.
Pray to God, my son.
God never paid any attention to me.
He's always putting me down.
And me here, in this valley of tears.
I'm suffering so much!
Love is a very strange thing, isn't it?
It's true. Yes, ma'am.
Help me, my Celestial Mother!
Only my lamp kept vigil over his holy sleep
Holy as his name and his rare smile
I used to fly high because I had a pair of large wings
Until one day I fell
And here I am at this samba court
Listening to the work of Heavens
And here I am at this war court
Listening to the battle of Heavens
In this court of fallen angels
Here on Earth, there is work everyday
To build and tear down walls
Kill one's hunger, quench one's thirst
Carrying a water basin on one's head
And this fire that his mouth sends to our creation
What they are saying...
is that human beings are fallen angels...
who God sent down to Earth as a punishment
for their having criticized Creation.
Then they learned from the animals how to have children.
They became numerous and began inventing houses, streets...
cities, countries and a mountain of machines...
to imitate God and interfere with everything he had invented.
In the beginning, God became very angry.
But his heart was softened by the fallen angels' charm...
and the way they did everything wrong...
surprising, out of control, different from the rest.
"Humankind learned from God how to create...
"and God learned from humankind how to love."
You weren't smoking that stuff, were you?
They're all bums and outlaws.
You don't know the story here.
That was all we needed.
Soon it will be broad daylight, and we'll go down the river.
You gave it a nice touch here, didn't you?
I'm glad you noticed. Sometimes I think nobody cares.
Can you please lower the music a little, just a little?
The volume.
Thank you.
Music jumbles up my head.
It doesn't let me think straight.
You don't know what that first morning in Paradise was like.
I had just created the world and when I found myself...
in front of all that beauty, I really felt proud of myself!
It was all perfection.
You'll have to pardon me, but if the world was really perfect...
there would be no bats sucking blood...
no tidal waves, no volcanoes, no hurricanes.
When everything was finished...
I felt like having someone see what I had done.
And I was so lonely.
It was then that my headaches started.
If I were there...
I would have told you that it would never work out.
You people make too many mistakes!
Where have you found such a knack...
for doing the wrong thing?
Where?!
You really must be very tired.
It's not fair that you go without your vacation.
So you won't go home empty-handed...
there is another cousin of mine.
Not Deraldo, but Miltinho.
He is virtue itself!
If you met him you'd forget Quinca of the Mules...
and call my cousin to be a saint.
I have his phone number. He lives here on the mainland.
We could give him a ring.
You'd kind of give him an oral test.
He would start answering.
A nice northeasterly breeze!
We can get back to where you found me in no time.
All right.
What did you do before creating Heaven and Earth?
Don't be an idiot, time didn't exist then.
There's no "before" before the Creation.
The motor! They stole my motor!
Mada!
Weren't you on the road to Sao Paulo?
No. I'm not going to Sao Paulo anymore.
I decided to save my money and buy a truck of my own.
I'll live my life right here, Professor, you hear?
You know what's best.
And Mr. Baudele's advance? Are you going to return it?
No, I'm not.
I need the money to buy my truck.
Now she's really gone crazy. Are you out of your mind?
I don't think so.
Baudele Vieira bought her.
She's his, nothing to be done.
What world do you live in?
I'm taking you back to Baudele!
Maybe it will appease that jackass...
and he'll spare my life when he finds me.
Hide her somewhere on the island.
Baudele Vieira will forget all about it.
When you step into the boat, use your right foot, okay?
I followed the Professor and I lost my little portable radio...
my new shirt, and my motor.
All things taken into account, I just wasted my time.
For the help I gave you, I deserved more consideration.
I need money, Professor.
I'm not like your dear little saint.
And don't pretend you're asleep, you never sleep.
What saint are you talking about?
Nothing.
It's research the Professor is doing.
Something very important, for all humanity.
You're more sincere when you lie than when you tell the truth.
Holy Mary.
There she is! Look!
Come back!
Sure, "Baudele Vieira will forget all about it", right?
He's ordering the boat back to the beach.
I told my father I was going to Sao Paulo.
- Are you crazy? - Beat it!
You're not going to do anything?
What a low-life thing to do, to leave us at a time like this.
Holy Angel of the Lord, my zealous guardian...
in whose divine pity I trust...
who always guards me, rules over me and defends me. Amen.
Leave us alone!
Get down, Mada!
Leave us alone, for God's sake!
Mada!
Baudele Vieira, you coward!
I'll tear you apart, you sonofabitch!
Coward!
You let her die.
Drop me at the spot where you found me, it's over there.
Get off my boat right now! Out!
That little earring is really ridiculous!
Out!
You don't love anyone!
That story about loving all of humanity is only an excuse...
not to have to love anyone!
You never loved in your whole life, man!
A life of shit, quadrillions of centuries of shit...
alone in the world!
I want Mada alive, do you hear me?
I want Mada!
I want Mada to come back to me, alive!
What are you trying to prove through our suffering?
Mada!
You're crying.
Are you alive?
You bet! Here!
The bullet hit here.
When I realized I was alive I thought it'd be better...
to play dead so Baudele would go away for good.
I think it worked!
What were you saying just now?
That you are alive.
No, before that, when I was dead.
Were you worried about me, Taoca?
What is the Professor doing there?
The guy is a little off his rocker.
He's got a bad head, a problem in his idea center.
Let him be.
Where's the Professor?
What's that up there?
A pitanga tree.
I can't see the Southern Cross anymore.
Where are we going?
I don't know.
We'll think about it later.
It feels good, doesn't it, to be just like this...
with the stars lighting up the night.
Are you sure the Professor hasn't drowned?
Of course I am, Mada.
He didn't come from Sao Paulo, did he?
As a matter of fact, I bet he's never even been there.
The Professor has been everywhere in the world, Mada.
Who was he, really?
You know something?
I think life is a harbor where you never dock.
Is that by, for instance, by some famous writer?
No, ma'am.
It's by Edivaltercio Barbosa da Anunciacao...
with the brains God gave him.
Yes! Praise the Lord!
I wish you were mine
At every serene and quiet moment
As the shadow waits for the wind
To blow on the edge of expectation
When everything claims your love
Wake up, come look at the moon
That shines in the dark of the night
My darling, you're so lovely and sweet
Loving you is like a dream
{{{ the end }}}